ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I enjoy the company of your penis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
