Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
