i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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