You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
