I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
