im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
