I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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