Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
