the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
