Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
