so explain again why im purple
no
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
