she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize