have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
