i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
