probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
