maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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