It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
