No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
