i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
