Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
