After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
