Just cropdusted the office
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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