Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
