My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
