my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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