so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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