well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
