I must be too annoying 4 u.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
