I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
