i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize