But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
