but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
