Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize