I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
