i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
