I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
