I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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