I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
