thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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