drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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