I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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