His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
