He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
