I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize