I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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