people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
