Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
