It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
