I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
