We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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