i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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