I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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