3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
