dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
