I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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