I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
