Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
