fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you made out with another girl for some wings
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
