She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
