I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
