I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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