If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
