We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
