You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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