Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
