i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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