If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sobbing to NWA
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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