This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
